As I write this, I question if anyone will be interested in reading these words. Still, I feel compelled to share my story.
Since I was a little girl I have been searching. There has been an empty spot inside me I have been trying to fill. I felt I was destined to do something great in this world, I just didn’t know what that was.
When I was a child I loved acting class. I told Mum and Dad that I was going to be a famous actress and make them lots of money. I believed this to be true. But once I became an awkward, self-conscious teenager, I no longer had the confidence to follow this dream.
The empty spot inside of me grew when this dream died.
As a teenager, I started a journal. I found solace in using words to express my teenage angst and wallow in my unexplained emotions. As much as I loved writing, I couldn’t share my words with anyone – I was scared of being judged. I was too timid to believe I could be a writer.
The empty spot inside of me grew when this dream died
As a young adult I played the guitar. I loved strumming and singing my favourite rock songs. I even started writing my own music. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by the complicated act of balancing life. Without even realising, I stopped playing my guitar.
The empty spot inside of me grew when this dream drifted away
In my early 20’s I fell in love. He asked me to marry him. The day I walked down the aisle I dreamed of having children with this man and living happily ever after. Happiness was short-lived. Four childless years later I was fleeing this marriage after suffering years of emotional and physical abuse.
The empty spot inside of me grew when I walked away from this dream
By my late 20’s I had built a successful career and was earning a six-figure salary as a Senior Manager in a fast-growing company. I aspired to break the glass ceiling and become a young and successful female business woman. With the breakdown of my marriage, the black dog caught me and the dark fog of depression took over my mind. I couldn’t function day to day and wanted life to end. I lost my career, my house, my savings, and many of my friends. (read more about this here)
The empty spot inside of me took over when I realised my life was empty
This was a turning point for me. While finding my way out of depression I realised I had bounced from one thing to another looking for something to make my life complete. Something to fill the empty spot inside of me. And, with everything I did I felt like an imposter, as if I didn’t deserve success and happiness.
Life is different now. I no longer chase dreams in the hope they will make me happy. I do my best to appreciate each moment and feel gratitude for my life just the way it is.
I want to be the best I can be. I don’t believe this to be some distant goal that will bring me satisfaction and success. it is a motto that I live by each day. This motto is:
To be the best I can be – in each and every moment!.Kate J Parker
As I adopted mindfulness and re-built my career, my relationship with myself improved. I now feel more confident and at peace with who I am. I still feel I am destined to do something great, but by going with the flow and trusting my intuition I no longer have an empty spot inside of me. Rather, I feel I am exploding with positive and loving energy to share with everyone.
My journey has come to this point. Sharing this story in the hope of someone connecting with it.
This is my calling.
This is where I am supposed to be right now! Writing about self-improvement so I can continue to grow and at the same time help others move from functioning to flourishing.
Life isn’t a race. It is about the journey and not the destination.
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