I have a confession to make. I have someone in my life that sends me crazy! She is judgemental, negative, ungrateful, overbearing, and condescending. Dealing with difficult people like her is an ongoing lesson for me, and I am now going to share this lesson with you.
I recently had an encounter with this difficult person……………let’s just say I failed miserably. I fell into the trap of responding to her ego with my own ego (learn more about the ego here).
Afterwards, I was frustrated with myself for allowing my ego to take over. Instead of feeling at peace, I felt yukky and dirty for the way I responded.
I can’t control or change her, but I can change the way I respond.
You see, when dealing with difficult people, it isn’t about them. It is about our own ego.
These people we dislike are our teachers. We will continue to attract people like them into our lives until we pay attention!
It is all about the Law of Reflection ‘whatever you react to in others is a mirror to yourself’. Every person in your life reflects an aspect of you. The people you dislike are showing you a part of yourself you dislike. The people whose company you enjoy represent parts of yourself you like and respect.
When we respond to difficult people with our ego, we strengthen the part of ourselves that we dislike.
“What we respond to in others, we strengthen within ourselves”
This is all very well and good to know. But how do we actually deal with difficult people without using our ego?
I do have the answer to this, and I am not going to lie. It is hard (as evidenced by my failed experience recently).
The answer is that it takes mindfulness.
That moment you feel the need to react to someone, then don’t. Take a deep breath and hold it back. You will feel very uncomfortable and have an overwhelming urge to respond. You may even feel like your chest is going to explode. Your ego will do funny things to your body to try and compel you to respond.
Before long (and this period of time will shorten every time you practice this) the urge will pass.
Are you physically hurt in anyway? No!
Are you mentally hurt in anyway? No! Have you diminished as a person? No!
In fact, you are a stronger more resilient person who has taken a step towards dissolving your own ego.
Furthermore, we haven’t made this person an enemy by buying into the unconsciousness of their ego. This small step may help us to see past their mask to the true person.
What we are reacting to is something very hidden and unconscious within ourselves. We can use this difficult person as a lesson and uncover the aspect of ourselves that we can improve on.
I have developed this ‘Ego Reflection Exercise’ that will teach you to deal with difficult people authentically, and uncover your own hidden thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours.
To try this ‘Ego Reflection Exercise’, become a Viva La Me VIP.
I am committed to giving you value, so I send all new VIP’s ‘3 days of gifts’. One of those gifts is this ‘Reflection Exercise’.
One final observation, once you become aware of ego, you start seeing it everywhere. In fact, sometimes it is easier to spot the ego in others than it is to see it in ourselves. Just remember, what you are seeing and reacting to is actually a reflection of yourself!
Related article: 15 signs your ego is in control